This heart of yours is now mine
by Delirious-Comfort
Summary: "I wish I had the courage to tell you in person. I wish I was brave like you." I scoff. Anger seeps through my breathing. How dare you? How dare you say those words as if they are meaningless? Throughout my time in the Enchanted Forest and Storybrooke I have been through hell and back. But no one, no one, has ever had the audacity to hurt me with words like you have.
1. Chapter 1

_My heart belongs to you._ _Not that you care. But it does._

I repeat the words in my brain over and over and I can feel myself getting more furious with every word that burns into my soul. If I had a soul.

 _I wish I had the courage to tell you in person._ _I wish I was brave like you._

I scoff. Anger seeps through my breathing. How dare you? How dare you say those words as if they are meaningless? Throughout my time in the Enchanted Forest and Storybrooke I have been through hell and back. But no one, _no one_ , has ever had the audacity to hurt me with words like you have.

 _From the moment I lay eyes on you, I knew. I knew it was you._

There's an ache in my heart. Well, there would be an ache in my heart if I actually had a heart. I don't. Not anymore. Whatever is left of my heart is scattered into a million pieces. Nothing but specs of dust on a concrete floor.

 _I am sorry for hurting you. I am sorry that you hurt me._

This isn't hurt. This is gut wrenching, goddamn utter torture. Hurt is an understatement. I wish I was hurt. I wish I could feel the hurt because it meant _I_ could _feel_ something. I feel nothing. I experience emotions, but they do not register like they used to.

 _I wish things were different._ _I wish you would have let me love you._

I want to reach out to you and slap you across the face. But I can't move. Perhaps it's for the best. Slapping you would achieve nothing. We've already been there.

 _Regina._

What? Why is your voice quivering? What do you want from me? Just leave me alone.

 _Please._

You had no right. No right whatsoever. I am so incredible mad at you. I want to open my mouth and scream at you. I want to _hear_ it. I want to _feel_ it. But there is nothing. No words. No sounds. Nothing but silence.

 _Even like this, you are beautiful._

Shut up. I don't want to hear another word. I never want to hear your voice again.

 _Tell me what to do._

Leave. Get out of here and never return, like you were supposed to in the first place. What gave you the right to stay? Why did you have to defy me like this? I am powerful. I speak and people crumble. But not you. Why?

 _I am lost without you._

Good. You deserve to be.

 _I miss you._

Remove your hand from mine this instant. Remove your tears from my hand. I have no need for them. They are useless. You do not get to miss me. Because I am right here and I am furious at you.

 _It should have been me._

Finally. Yes. Yes, it should have been you. Why isn't it you? Why is it that every time I try to achieve something in the name of _good_ I end up like this? You are no savior. You are the destroyer. You bring nothing but destruction. Everything that was _good_ in my life is gone.

 _Henry refuses to speak to me._

Well. That was the goal from the beginning wasn't it? He had no right to look for you. You should have never opened that door. Curse the fairies for giving you one last wish. You didn't deserve a wish. You didn't deserve _my_ son.

 _Mary Margaret hasn't left her bed in four days._

Wonderful. I do _not_ care. Like mother, like daughter. Lock her up before she comes read to me. If I ever hear that voice again I will rip out her heart faster than she can call out for her precious Prince Charming.

 _She feels responsible._

Good. She is. If it wasn't for her, you would have never been born. Life was simple without you. Why did you have to make it so complicated? Why? Please shut your mouth. Leave me be. Flip the switch and let me go.

 _It was my fault._

Yes. We have established this. How many times do you need to repeat it? Why are you still here? Why won't you listen to me? Just for once in your goddamn life open your ears and hear me. Listen to me. Hear my words for the truth that they are. I am not lying. I am not silent. Just _listen_.

 _I don't even know if you can hear me._

For crying out loud.

 _I think you would be furious._

Why the hell are you chuckling? Do you think this is funny? What in the world is funny about this situation? Why must you torture me?

 _Did you know?_

Know what? Honestly. Stop speaking in riddles. What is that noise? I cannot hear you with all these noises. Not that I want to hear your voice. Do not ever forget. I am furious at you.

 _Breathe Regina._

You do _not_ get to give me orders. I will breathe as I see fit. Breathing hurts. If I could feel. It would hurt. Perhaps that was your intent all along. To hurt me. Congratulations, you have succeeded.

 _Please._

I am trying. Why won't you listen to me. I am shouting at the world. Just _listen._

 _I am not ready to lose you._

Let's get one thing straight. You _never_ had me. You will _never_ have me. I do not know why you feel the need to share your deepest and darkest secrets with me, but I do _not_ want to hear them. Just leave. Leave me alone. It is all I ever wanted from you.

 _Gold refuses to help me. I tried to make a deal with him._

Ha. That imp is useless. If you have not figured that out by now, you will never. I thought you were smarter than that. There is nothing anyone can do. You have ruined me.

 _Maybe if I had found you sooner._

Maybe if you had found me sooner I would have been able to strangle you. Watch the life slip away from that porcelain face. It would have given me immense pleasure.

 _I am trying Regina._

Trying? You're trying? You are succeeding. You are succeeding in annoying me. You are succeeding in nurturing my hate for you. What do you mean you are _trying_. There never was 'try' with you. You set your own course and all be damned that got in your way. I tried to stay out of your way. No one is to blame for this but you. It is all you. It has always been you. You should have stayed in Boston. I should have killed your precious Snow. I should have never cast that curse. None of this would have happened if I hadn't cast that curse. Wait.

 _Do you want to hear some music?_

No. You will probably torture me with the likes of some indie band. Please, spare me your silly love songs. Spare me the heartbroken sob stories of lovers torn apart by faith. Spare me. Leave me. Get out of here.

 _Maybe I should read to you._

Don't you dare. Don't you dare open that mouth and read to me. I am not Prince Charming. I won't wake up because some melodious voice seeps through my veins. Don't even try.

 _You would probably kill me._

Yes. Good. You are finally listening. You will not read to me and you will not play music. You will remove your fingers from my face and you will get up and walk out of here. You will go home to _my_ son and you will take care of him. You finally get what you wanted all along. I hate you. I hate you with every fiber of my being.

 _I want to take a picture of you. Your hair looks silly._

Honestly. It warms my heart to know that the state of my hair amuses you. If I had a heart. Which I don't. Thanks to you. Did you forget about that little tidbit? Did you forget how my heart was ripped out? Not by the force of someone's hand, but by you? With words? Has no one ever taught you not to speak to your Queen like that? Have you no respect for authority? I don't understand people like you. I don't _want_ to understand people like you.

 _Henry is here. I will be back later. I'll bring a book or something._

If I could sigh, I would. I am sighing at you, extensively. Insert an eye roll into the equation as well.

* * *

 _Hi mom._

Henry. Thank you for getting rid of that, forgive my lack of wording, bimbo.

 _Ehm. How are you?_

Fantastic. I am having the time of my life. Come lay down with me. Bring me comfort Henry. Love me. It is all I ever wanted from you. For you to love me. Please. Don't be afraid of me. Please. Just love me.

 _You don't look so good._

Thank you my boy. I love you too. You sound just like her. Please, go ahead and ridicule my hair as well.

 _I've been staying with Grandma and Grandpa._

You must be having the time of your life.

 _I miss you._

Thank you. I miss you too, but I am right here. All you need to do is listen.

 _I am mad at Emma. This was all her fault. I'm glad she's not been home._

Where has she been? Wait. I don't care. I hope she is miserable. Stay mad at her. Let if fuel your heart. Well. To a certain point. Don't become like your mother. I tried hard not to become like mine and failed utterly. I wouldn't wish that same faith on you.

 _Doctor Whale says you're in a coma._

Well. Give the man an award. I could have told you that. My body may be in a coma, but _I_ am right here. I'm listening. Taking notes. I will get my revenge. As soon as I regain control over my body I will show you all who's boss.

 _I'm sorry you got hurt Mom._

Oh Henry. You are not to blame. It's your birth mother. I would spit out those words if I could. Emma Swan. The savior. Give me a break. That woman has been nothing but a pain in my ass from the day she set foot in Storybrooke.

 _Will True Love's Kiss wake you up?_

Ha. True Love? Oh sweetheart. There is no such thing. Who would ever love the Evil Queen? I am not even sure if you love me. I think you don't. That hurts the most of all. Well. I'm registering the emotion. I am not hurt. I cannot be hurt. I am broken, incompletely. Something is missing. You wouldn't understand. I am not even sure I understand it myself. But no. True Love's Kiss will not wake up your mother, thank you very much.

 _I think Grandma wants to come visit you, but she is scared._

Do. Not. Let. That. Woman. Visit. Me. Whatever it takes Henry. Be a brave boy and keep that woman where she is. I cannot deal with her self-loathing. My precious stepdaughter. I think I once loved her. But not anymore. She destroyed me, just like her daughter. She _hurt_ me when I could still be hurt. It was the last thing I had ever expected of her.

 _I punched a boy at school._

Of course you did. You have turned into quite a rebel ever since _she_ came to town. I take it she doesn't know. Why did you punch a boy? Did it feel good? I hope so. Do not do it again. You are better than that. You are grounded.

 _Grandpa said I could only be in here for a short while. He says you must be very tired._

Well, who would have taught the not-so-much prince would be the most sensible in this situation? I am tired. But I am never too tired for you. Make sure you tell him that.

 _I think Emma is back. I should go before she wants to speak to me._

Okay. I actually understand. Stay safe my boy. Kick Emma on your way out, please.

 _I love you Mom._

Do you? I love you too. With all my heart. If I had one.

* * *

 _Hi._

Good grief. You're back. To what do I owe the pleasure?

 _How is Henry?_

Really? Miss Swan. You should know better than that. I am in a _coma_. You are not listening to me. Why the hell should I indulge you with an answer if you do not listen?

 _I am tired_.

Poor you. Please tell me more of your suffering. I cannot wait to hear more. Go ahead. You are insufferable. Insensitive. You do not care the tiniest bit about my needs and wants. If you did, you would not be here whining to me about how _you_ are tired. Please. Give me a break.

 _I wish you would just yell at me. I know you want to._

What is it that Henry says all the time? Duh? Duh, Miss Swan. Big fucking _duh_ to you.

 _I brought a book._

Don't you dare. I will rip your heart out. I will strangle you with my bare hands.

 _"Chapter 1. In which we are introduced to Winnie-the-Pooh and some Bees, and the stories begin."_

You have got to be kidding me. You are going to read Winnie-the-Pooh to me? Am I a child? I am the Evil Queen. People wrote stories about _me._ Stop insulting me.

 _"Here is Edward Bear, coming downstairs now, bump, bump, bump, on the back of his head, behind Christopher Robin."_

Miss Swan. Stop this instantly. I am not a child. I don't give a rat's ass what happens to Christopher Robins and his silly obsession with a bear. Why won't you listen to me?

 _"It is, as far as he knows, the only way of coming downstairs, but sometimes he feels that there really is another way, if only he could stop bumping for a moment and think of it."_

Perhaps Christopher Robin should use that brain of his and carry the fucking bear like a normal person would.

 _"And then he feels that perhaps there isn't. Anyhow, here he is at the bottom, and ready to be introduced to you. Winnie-the-Pooh._ "

Thank you Mr. Milne for that wonderful introduction. Fuck you Emma, for reading me a child's story.

 _"When I first heard his name, I said, just as you are going to say, 'But I thought he was a boy?'_

Boys can have girl's names. Girls can have boy's names. You should have been in the Enchanted Forest. No one gave a crap about that sort of thing. Boys could have vagina's and girls could have penises. It's how the world should work. I don't know why it is so complicated for some people.

" _Ah, yes, now I do,' I said quickly; and I hope you do too, because it's all the explanation you are going to get."_

Did you skip part of the story? That makes no sense. Honestly, Miss Swan, you can't even read a story like it is supposed to be read. You are useless.

" _Sometimes Winnie-the-Pooh likes a game of some sort when he comes downstairs, and sometimes he likes to sit quietly in front of the fire and listen to a story. This evening-"_

Yes. Yes. _'What about a story?' said Christopher Robin'._ I know the story Miss Swan. I read this to the boy you gave up at birth every night before he went to sleep. Remember that little fact? That you gave up your son and I adopted him? You signed away _any_ right you had to him? And then you screwed it all up? You fucked me over, Miss Swan and I resent you for it.

" _I'll try,' I said. So I tried._ "

I would scoff. You tried alright. The author tried. At least he succeeded, whereas you are nothing but a screw-up and a pain in my ass.

 _Maybe I should read a different book to you. You are not a child after all._

Well, hurray! You have finally figured it out, have you? One point to Miss Swan. I wish I had the strength to send you home. How I would love to see the look on your face as I transported you right into a pond. Would you be shocked? Or would you laugh because it meant you got interaction? Have you tried your magic yet? We all know it runs through your veins. A product of true love. Ha. You were doomed from the beginning. You were never a person. You were nothing but a product. It hurts, doesn't it?

 _Regina?_

What? What could you possible want from me?

 _I am sorry for what I said in the car to you._ _I didn't mean it._

Oh but you did, Miss Swan. You meant every word. That much was obvious. You had no right to say such a thing to me. You have no idea how much it hurt to hear you say that. If I would have a heart. Because according to you I am .. what is it you said? 'Incapable of love. Incapable of getting hurt. Heartless.' I was not heartless. Not until those words spilled from your mouth. Not until that car crashed into mine and send me flying. Hurray for flimsy seat belts. Did you get hurt? What on earth were you thinking? I don't care if you got hurt. You're obviously still walking and talking.

 _I know you are not heartless. I was just angry._

Well. There is always truth in anger. You should know that. You have been angry your entire life. You took it out on me and I want to slit your throat for uttering those words to me when I was at my most vulnerable. I don't do vulnerable. If I ever wake up from this I will rip out my heart myself and feed it to the wolves. I don't need it anymore. Wait. I forgot. I don't have a heart.

 _Regina? You are crying._

I am not. People in coma's don't cry. Do they? I am not crying. I haven't cried since Daniel was murdered by my mother, thanks to your mother. Regina Mills, the Evil Queen, does not cry, thank you very much. Remove your thumb from my face. I don't need your pity.

 _Doctor Whale says you can still wake up._

Well Doctor Whale can suck it. I am not waking up. If I would I would have to bring my wrath down on all of you and I am too tired to do that. I am tired of fighting. I am tired of showing everyone that there is more to me than just the Evil Queen. I thought you would understand that of all people. But I was wrong. I will not ever be wrong again.

 _I hate you._

There we go. That didn't take too long. Are we about to have a heart-to-heart? Well. You probably are. You're not listening to me so I can't have a heart-t0-heart with you. Because I have no heart.

 _No. I'm sorry. I don't hate you._

Make up your goddamn mind.

 _I wasn't ready._

Yes, I gathered that much. You weren't ready and now I am in a coma. Thank you dear. I will be forever in your debt, my gratitude is through the roof. Let's swap places, shall we? We'll go out for a drive and you will pour out your heart to me, like you have never done before. Because it only ended up hurting you in the past. But for one fleeting moment you decide to take a chance. You decide to believe in _good._ And when you tell me that you love me with the utmost sincerity in your eyes, I will laugh and tell you that you are not capable of loving another person. I will tell you that you are heartless. And when you ask me not to hurt you like that, I will laugh louder. I will laugh and the last words I will say to you will be; 'You are not capable if getting hurt, you would have to have a heart to be able to get hurt.' And then a car will crash into you from behind, because you are just too flabbergasted to drive when the light turns green, and you will fly through the window shield and I will be safely tucked because my seat belt won't give out. You will be in a coma and I will come torture you with words. Let's swap.

 _I kissed you._

Yes. You kissed me. It happened. You kissed me and all felt right in the world. Your lips landed on mine and it was electric. You kissed me and I pushed you away. I am well aware of that. You kissed me and I felt happy, content and loved and it _frightened_ me. So I pushed you away. And when I was ready you pushed me away. Except, you did a whole lot more than simply push me away. You scattered my heart into a million pieces. You _hurt_ me.

 _It wasn't your fault._

I _know_ that. _Listen_ to me.

 _I wish I could start over._

Well. Where would you like to start? In the Enchanted Forest? Let's start there. I don't cast the curse. I forgive your mother. All is right in the world. You grow up a lovely young girl. Then what? We fall in love? The precious daughter of Snow White and Prince Charming falls in love with Evil Queen? Life doesn't work that way sweetheart. Dear. Emma. Miss Swan. I am tired. Please. Go away. Let me sleep, forever.

 _I won't give up on you._

You already did. You gave up on me the moment I opened up to you.

 _I'm sorry for hurting you Regina. Maybe I should go._

I thought you weren't going to give up. Make up your goddamn mind.

 _Do you want me to go Regina?_

 _Listen_ to me Emma. For once in your life _hear_ me. "Stay."

* * *

 **A/N: One shot, possible a two-shot? Let me know!**


	2. Chapter 2

_Oh my god. Regina? Are you awake?_

Ugh. No.

 _Regina. Please. Should I get a doctor?_

Any sensible person would have at this point. I can't tell if I'm awake or not. You're obviously not hearing me.

 _Miss Mills?_

What? Who the hell are you? One of the minions I cursed? You're not Doctor Whale.

 _Are you sure she spoke?_

Yes Emma. Tell her you are sure. I spoke to you. You heard me. For _once_ in your life, do the right thing.

 _Sometimes people in a coma will murmur or moan._

I am not moaning, nor murmuring. I spoke. I told Emma to stay. God knows why.

 _I'm sorry Regina. I swear I thought you told me to stay._

I did. For crying out loud, what is wrong with you?

 _Your heartbeat is going faster than before._

I'm frustrated. But see, in order for my heartbeat to go faster I would have to have a heart. So either you were wrong or it's a goddamn miracle. Either way, my heart is broken and you're at fault. Remember that. Feel that. Because I feel it. I register the emotion. Cold-hearted. You infuriate me.

 _Fucking doctors._

Language, Miss Swan. I don't care about my current state, you will watch your language around me. Besides, fucking doctors is more your mother's thing, isn't it?

 _So you've been in a coma for two weeks. Enough is enough. Wake the fuck up._

Like I have any say in it. Wake up Regina. Wake up. Open your eyes and tell Emma to leave. Oh wait. You've tried that. With little to no success. No, you had to tell her to stay and she thinks it's a figment of her imagination. Good job Regina.

 _You feel warm._

What are you doing? Untangle your fingers from mine. You do not deserve my warmth. Why are your fingers so soft? Stop squeezing my hand. Stop assaulting my senses. They are unwanted. Get it through that thick skull of yours.

 _Is there some kind of potion I can whip up? To take us back in time?_

Sure. Because magic is child's play. Whip up some elixir and take us back in time. What would happen? Would you change your words? What would you tell me? That you love me too? If you take us back in time I would still remember. I would remember your words and I would never open my heart to you. I would transport you from my car and dump you in the ocean.

 _Emma?_

Oh god no. That voice. Tell her to leave. I do not want her here. I don't want either of you here. Just _leave_.

 _Mary Margaret is here. I'm gonna give you two a moment. I'll be back._

Imagine a fire ball Miss Swan. Imagine a fire ball right into your chest. How dare you leave me here with her?

* * *

 _Regina._

Oh for Pete's sake. Stop your insensitive crying. This is not about you Mary Margaret.

 _I love you._

Ha. Sure you do. You love me so much that you had to tell my mother about my little secret. You love me so much that the only person I have ever truly loved was brutally murdered. Well. Fine. The first person I truly loved. I thought I loved someone else, clearly I was mistaken.

 _I'm sorry._

All the sorry's in the world will not make up for what you have put me through.

 _I know I have made mistakes in the past. I was a child. I will not make those same mistakes now._

I am supposed to forgive you because you were a child? Forget it.

 _Emma loves you. She is miserable without you. She has not left your side since the accident._

What?

 _I don't know how to protect her. She looks so tired. Guilty. It wasn't her fault._

Yes it was. Stop rambling. You know nothing.

 _I know you love her too. It's so obvious. I don't know why I didn't see it before._

Because you were too caught up in your own bubble. Did I love Emma? I suppose so. Key word being 'did'. The precious daughter of Snow White and Prince Charming. You both have ruined me. You both took away from me what I loved the most. Except, Emma is still here. Torturing me. Be a mother. Take your child home.

 _You have to forgive her Regina. She was scared._

Let me guess. While I'm on the path of forgiveness I have to fit you in as well? It's not going to happen.

 _You are the closest thing I have to a mother._

I am _not_ your mother. I will never _**be**_ your mother. Your mother is dead. My mother is dead, you took her life. Remember that? How I wish we were still in the Enchanted Forest. I would have you executed and this time I would make sure it would stick. I'd do it myself.

 _I love you._

Yes. You've said that. Let's move on. Do _not_ kiss my forehead. Gross. I once loved you. You were the most gorgeous child I have ever met. Precious Snow White. Too bad your heart is as black as mine, dear. Your path of redemption does not start with me forgiving you. I will not forgive you. I will not forget. I am the Evil Queen. Remember that. Where is Emma? Send her back in here and leave.

 _I'm sorry it took so long for me to come visit you._

I wish you would have stayed away.

 _I'll bring Henry by tomorrow._

You do that.

 _Bye Regina._

Adios. Honestly. What's with the kissing me? It's highly inappropriate.

* * *

 _I'm back._

Thank god. Wait.

 _I want to tell you something._

Well. It's not like I can stop you.

 _When Henry first showed up at my door, I was so scared. I asked for a closed adoption because I didn't think I would able to deal with ever seeing him again._

Yet when he showed up on your 28th birthday you welcomed him with open arms.

 _Would you have adopted him if it was an open adoption?_

No. Yes. I don't know. Does it even matter? What's done is done.

 _I can't help but think that we are forever connected through Henry._

Yes. That's generally what happens when you share a son. Because that's what we do, isn't it? We share a son. Despite your closed adoption, despite you _giving up_ your son. We now share a son.

 _Maybe it was faith. Maybe it was suppose to work out like this?_

Oh please. Faith is nothing but a fairy tale. An actual fairy tale. It doesn't exist. It was created by someone who needed an excuse. I refuse to believe that this is faith. I have been through enough. If this is faith I would like to have a word with the creator, because it sucks.

 _I dreamed of you that first night._

How inappropriate of you. Maybe I was there. Maybe from the moment I first saw you I was drawn to you. Not because you're pretty. Maybe I wanted to kill you. Maybe I came to your room and maybe I watched you sleep. Perhaps my heart fluttered when you purred in your sleep. Who knows. Keep thinking it was a dream.

 _I don't understand how someone like you could love someone like me._

I'm beginning to wonder the same thing. I don't know why I loved you. I did. I loved you with every fiber of my being. It hurt to love you as much as I did. I remember when I first knew I loved you. There was no grand gesture, no big revealing moment. You smiled and I realized I loved you. As simple as that. You took something so simple and made it utterly complicated. Why did you have to do that? Why couldn't you just have let me love you? I don't love you anymore. You infuriate me.

 _Please don't cry Regina._

I am not. I don't know why you keep on insisting that I'm crying. I don't cry. I won't cry. Not over someone like you. Not again.

 _You can hear me, can't you?_

Yes.

 _Can you squeeze my hand?_

No. I don't know. Even if I could, I wouldn't want to. I don't want to give you the satisfaction.

 _Please Regina. Try._

Fine. There. Feel that? I'm squeezing. I imagine it's my hand around your throat.

 _Shit. I can feel that._ _I kinda want to kiss you right now._

Don't you dare. Don't you even think for a moment that it's okay to press your lips on mine again. Not while I lay here. Please. Do not torture me like that. I am tired Emma. I am tired of fighting you. I am tired of trying to get you to listen to me. I am so very tired.

 _Maybe my magic will heal you._

Who knows. You don't know how to use it. It probably won't. You may think you're the savior, it doesn't mean you were destined to save me from my coma. The world just doesn't work that way. The universe is an unfair place. I have learned that much.

 _Can't you invade my mind or something?_

What would that accomplish dear? I don't want to invade your mind. You invaded my heart and broke my trust. You broke me Emma. You can't fix that with a bandage. I am not even sure I would want you to. I am just so tired. Let me sleep.

 _I am not giving up on you. When you wake up I am going to fix this._

Okay. Whatever you say. Let me sleep now. Please. Why are you crawling on the bed? I can feel that. Oh god. For crying out loud Emma. It's not okay to curl up to someone in a coma. Even it feels good, it's not okay. I'm gonna sleep now. I hope you roll off the bed in your sleep.

* * *

Emma.

 _Regina?_

You hurt me.

 _I know._

I loved you.

 _You still love me._

I know.

 _I love you._

You told me I have no heart.

 _I was angry._

You hurt me.

 _I know._

I want to wake up.

 _Then wake up._

I don't know how.

 _Open your eyes Regina._

Why?

 _Come back to me._

Emma?

 _Wake up Regina._

 **Emma?**

 _Open your eyes._

 **"** Emma."


End file.
